Newly published for Christmas 2026 · With a nod to Hilaire Belloc
Cautionary Tales for the Modern Child
Eighteen brand-new tales in verse, in the grand old manner of Belloc’s 1907 classic, about children who would not put down the phone, stop scrolling, or eat a single vegetable. Each one meets a fate as ridiculous as it is richly deserved.
By Ken Trevena, the Umpteenth Laird of Camster. Illustrated throughout in soft graphite and ink, in the Edwardian style.
The funny poetry gift of Christmas 2026
Belloc warned about lions. We warn about Wi‑Fi.
In 1907 Hilaire Belloc gave the nursery Jim, who ran away from his nurse and was eaten by a lion, and Matilda, who told such dreadful lies. Generations of children have shivered and giggled at them ever since.
The dangers have moved on. Today’s children face Snapchat streaks, sat‑navs, energy drinks and the “I Agree” button. These are new poems for those new perils, written in Belloc’s rolling couplets and his deadpan tone, each with a solemn moral at the end.
Please note: this is a modern companion to Belloc, with every verse newly written. It is not a reprint of his original book.
| Belloc, 1907 | Trevena, 2026 |
|---|---|
| Jim, eaten by a lion | Hugo, who followed the sat‑nav into the Thames |
| Matilda, who told lies | Araminta, whose homework bot quietly replaced her |
| Henry King, who chewed bits of string | Cosmo, who ate only nuggets and became one |
| Rebecca, who slammed doors | Oscar, whose headphones hid the steamroller |
A tale from the book
Clementine
Who Clicked “I Agree” Without Reading, and was Legally Acquired by a Firm in Shenzhen
The Chief Defect of Clementine
Was signing on the Dotted Line.
Each App that pinged, each Site that flashed,
She'd tap "I Agree!" and off she dashed.
She never read a single Clause
Of Terms, Conditions, Rules, or Laws.
Though forty Pages, small of Print,
She never gave the Text a Squint.
Till one wet Tuesday, around ten,
There came two Clerks from far Shenzhen,
Who said, "Clause Ninety, Section Four:
The Child is ours." And shut the Door.
To find out where poor Clementine ended up, and what her Father said about the broadband, you will have to read the book.
The Rogues’ Gallery
All eighteen children in the book, each drawn in pencil and ink at the very moment things go wrong.
Amélie
Who Sucked Two Fingers, and Grew the Teeth of a Horse
Felix
Who Scootered off a Ramp, and was Never Seen Again (Apart from One Tooth)
Cameron
Who Mined and Crafted Day and Night, and Ended Up in the Garden Wall
Clementine
Who Clicked "I Agree" Without Reading, and was Legally Acquired by a Firm in Shenzhen
Barnaby
Who Drank Energy Drinks, and Vibrated Through the Floor
Peregrine
Who Never Went Outdoors, and was Mistaken for a Mushroom
Monty
Who Would Not Break his Snapchat Streak
Hugo
Who Did Whatever the Sat-Nav Said, and Walked into the Thames
Imogen
Who Pouted for Selfies, and Stayed That Way
Araminta
Who Let the AI Do Her Homework, and was Quietly Replaced
Felicity
Who Scrolled Night and Day, and Grew a Thumb the Size of a Marrow
Oscar
Who Wore his Noise-Cancelling Headphones Everywhere, and did not Hear the Steamroller
Jasper
Who Vaped Bubble Gum Clouds, and Floated off over Basingstoke
Rupert
Who Played Pranks for Likes, and was Pranked in Return by a Bull
Tarquin
Who Unboxed Everything on Camera, and was Finally Unboxed Himself
Lottie
Who Ordered Everything Next-Day, and was Buried Under Parcels
Cosmo
Who Ate Nothing but Chicken Nuggets, and Gradually Became One
Prudence
Who Shouted "Alexa!" at Everything, and was Delivered to Stoke-on-Trent
Not enough? Meet Rosamund, who was wired into the kitchen wall. Get her bonus tale free.
Choose your edition
All three hold the same eighteen tales and pictures. The hardback is made to be given, the A4 paperback is made for reading aloud, and the Kindle edition can be sent in an instant.
Best for gifting
Gift hardback
£14.99
- About A5 (14 × 21.6 cm)
- 80 pages on cream paper
- Each tale opens with a full-page picture
Best for reading aloud
Large paperback
£7.99
- Big A4 format (21 × 29.7 cm)
- 24 pages, one tale to a page
- Large pictures, easy to share at bedtime
Instant delivery
Kindle
£3.99
- Fixed-layout ebook
- Every picture included
- Free to read with Kindle Unlimited
So, stop, and rest your Thumb, and look:
The moral of Felicity, who scrolled
A Thumb was made to turn a Book.